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37 Things All New Entrepreneurs Say

There’s a startup vocabulary that one can learn, and there’s a startup phraseology that’s so universal, it seems hardwired right into the entrepreneurial  consciousness. Ask a blind sample of early-stage founders how things are going with NewCo., and you’ll find their answers synchronized: “Things are amazing, we’re killing it, we’re crushing it. Everything’s great!”

Our study of this phenomenon reveals that 37 innate phrases are delivered to founders from the startup gods the moment they conceive their first big idea. To wit:

  1. This idea is unstoppable.
  2. Nothing else like this exists.
  3. Sorry, man . . . I can’t tell you unless you sign this NDA.
  4. We’re going to totally disrupt the market for [spy cams], [back scratchers], [player pianos], [hover bikes].
  5. We’re revolutionizing the way [flautists], [tug boat captains], [veterinary assistants], [cardio-pulmonary surgeons] approach [dating], [home improvement projects], [booking airline tickets], [personal hygiene].
  6. It’s tapping into the [future of the internet], [awesome purchasing power of secretaries], [real need affecting SAT tutors].
  7. We’re gamifying [sushi], [country music], [the LSAT], [eyebrow extensions].
  8. No one else can build what we’re building.
  9. These financial projections are conservative.
  10. We’re expecting hockey-stick growth curves, year after year.
  11. If we can only get 2% of the total market, we’ll be a $100M company.
  12. This is the only money we’ll ever need to raise.
  13. The only thing standing between us and success is raising capital.
  14. We’re not too concerned about revenue.
  15. We don’t need [health insurance], [lawyers], [salespeople], [a board of directors], [a business plan].
  16. We’re like [Redbox], but for [Real Dolls].
  17. I’m having lunch at [Google] tomorrow.
  18.  [Citi Capital] is in, as long as we find a lead investor.
  19.  We’re in private beta.
  20. Our waiting list is at capacity.
  21. We’ve had 7,000 signups in the past week.
  22. We’re way oversubscribed.
  23. Our research indicates a persistent need for  [turtle helicopters].
  24.  We’re launching in two weeks.
  25.  [15] of the [Fortune 500] companies are signing purchasing orders for our product next week.
  26. Then it’s going to go viral.
  27. We’re developing our mobile app right now.
  28. The market doesn’t even know it needs us yet.
  29. We’re like Uber, but for house cats.
  30. We don’t need to do user testing.
  31. We need more user testing.
  32. We’re killing it.
  33. We’re crushing it.
  34. We’re coming out of beta very soon.
  35. We’re pre-launch and pre-revenue, but there’s a lot of white space ahead of us.
  36. Those [investors] [lawyers] don’t understand the market for [BLK water], [goldfish trousers].
  37. Oh yeah, I can do that. . . I just read about it on [Pando Daily], [Tech Crunch], [Mashable], [GigaOm].

The bulk of this phraseology  atrophies as the new venture matures, and the entrepreneurial lobe becomes fully myelinated. But ask any entrepreneur how his company’s doing, and his answer remains “we’re killing it.”

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